“Been
there, done that.” When will I ever say that phrase about book
signings? Never? When I'll be 25? 27? (Wait a sec. I'll just wipe the
stupid tear out of my eye). I hope not. (teary) I hope it'll be soon.
Very soon.
It
has always been a reader's dream to meet the authors of their
favorite books. For us, it's like meeting your hollywood idols or
hollywood celebrity crushes. For us, it's even more than meeting the
president of the country. Because who wouldn't want to meet the
person who introduced them to another world? Who wouldn't want to
meet the person who gave them the possibilty to dream about a perfect
fictional character? Who wouldn't want to meet the person who had
shared to them a piece of their minds and lives? Who wouldn't.
It's
really hard for me not to be jealous of those kids who have met
authors in their really young age. They've met John Green, Rainbow
Rowell, Suzanne Collins, Veronica Roth, Rick Riordan as easy as
eating chocolate. They've talked to them, hugged them and let them
sign their books. Why is it that they meet authors every single time
but not me. (Not even once) Whoever said that life is fair, you're a
fool. Life's never fair. Life do that, it'll be very unfair to us
even if we do all things right. If life was fair, I could've met
Suzanne Ee, Wendy Higgins, Anna Banks, and Rainbow Rowell. But it is
not so I'm sad. (And I may or may not be crying right now)
Sometimes
I ask myself, Why do I have to live in Narnia (of my country)? I live
far North of the Capital of the country. And I was not blessed with a
family that have enough money to send me off to any place I want to
go, if necessary much less anytime I want to. But there are just the
others who could go to anywhere they want at anytime they want as
easy as that. Of course I cannot blame them for it. I cannot blame
anyone. I cannot blame anything. It is what it is. So no matter how
hurtful it is for me, I must accept it.
So
this Saturday, there'll be a book signing that will be held sponsored
the biggest bookstore of the country. I've planned for it for how
many months. I've even readied my speeches to the authors. I've
readied my feelings. BUT (oh how I hate the word 'but' sometimes) in
the last minute, I CAN'T GO I cant go I cant go I cant go I want to
go I cant go (sniffs) I've saved enough money to go but I have no one
to go with I don't know how to go alone by myself. (I'm not dauntless
enough It is so hard (so very hard) to have a family who doesn't
understand. They don't understand a thing about books, they don't
understand my relationship with books, they just can't understand a
thing.
Why
is it so wrong to do what makes me happy? Is it wrong to meet other
people who understands me? Is it wrong to feel that I belong
somewhere sometimes? Everything I do about books is wrong in their
sight. And it's very hard for me. Lucky for those people who'se
parents understand. Lucky for those kids who'se parents buy them
books. Lucky are the kids whose parents are readers (so very lucky) I
envy you. It's a hard thing you know, to set aside some (sometimes
all) of my money just to buy books. So be grateful those of you that
are not like me-like us.
So being a reader is really a tough struggle, the struggle is real
yet I keep on fighting until the day comes where I'll own it, til the
day comes where I'll meet authors anytime I want to, til the day
comes when I can buy all the books I want to buy, til the day comes I
get all my books signed.
The
day will come when I will have my own bookstore which will sell only
books and fandom merch and movie merch and books released in the
right time and the right date and a lot of authors for booksignings!
Mark my word!
Same struggle as mine :( They didn't even understand how awesome it is to live inside a book. It's alright to lose touch with reality. I mean, have you seen reality lately? It sucks.
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